Missing, Rainbows, and Your Guru

THE INVITATION by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence."

 It’s 6.30.2017. Summer has officially started. School’s out. It’s hot a shitake out. At least in my hood. June was a month w a lotta shift around me. There's been a lot of opportunities to find rainbows on gray days. June was a month of where I made space to feel disappointment, judgment, confusion, betrayal, fear. It was a month that asked for acceptance, timing, and of trust. For release, for change. For a pulse between dreaming and staying grounded. Now. For discernment. For boundaries and courage. For not taking it personally. For creating, beginning, blooming. When you heart hurts. When you are scared. When you just wanna know why? You feel me, right? When you think : but why? But here’s the deal, peeps. A lotta the time, you prolly won’t know why.

In my old (work) world at least a couple of times a year I would help out on the district wide crisis team. Often the crisis was a death. And it seemed often that the death was a suicide. Or at least one year in particular. When I counseled kids in the depths of their shock, in the depths of their sorrow, so many of the peeps would ask : why? Why did their fellow band member, their classmate, their best friend, their family, their fellow ROTC cadet, their enemy, or the stranger to them, end their life. Or why did their life end. Death. It’s confusing.


And suicide. It’s not black and white. It’s gray. Super gray. And the person isn’t here to tell us (unfortunately). Even if there is a note. There will never be one experience, one emotion, one reason. The one that you can put your finger on to say - GOT IT! That’s WHY. So. As much as we get wrapped up in the why. I'm 'bout to ask to try. Try to disentangle from the expectation that you’ll understand. Let. It. Go. And allow yourself to grieve. And. Just feel it. All it’s shitake-ness. All the messiness. The rawness. Do it. Just feel. And breathe. It. Will. Get. Better. (I promise. There are brighter spots ahead.) It probably could also suck. A lot. For awhile. And that’s ok too. You. Will. Get. Through. It. 

And. While you’re at it, go ahead and release blame. Nothing about what happened is your fault. Shoulda, woulda, coulda-s. You might have them. That’s fair. Have them. Feel them. Acknowledge them. But. Also let them pass through. Imagine them riding off to a rainbow on the back of a Unicorn. If you want. Or whatevs. But. Don’t cling to them. Please. Yes, they're natural feelings. But it's cool to try and let them go. When you're ready. In yo way.  

So. What can YOU do? You can heal yo self.

We want (well, our egos) want to think that we could have done something different. That we could have saved someone. But here’s the deal. We don’t actually have the control or the power to change someone else. The only person you can save is YOU, boo.

“You are your own guru,” Danielle LaPorte.

So. Surrender. Have flaws. Be true. Your solution is yours. And remember DLP’s words :

  • Everyone is different, but we are all the same.

  • One size does not fit all.

  • What works for your today might not be what’s best for you tomorrow.

  • It made sense at the time.

  • You grew into it, and you’ll probably grow out of it.

  • Nothing matters; everything is important.

  • This works for me; it may/may not work for you.

  • It depends.

Ok. One size that does fit all though? Ok, two. One being only YOU can heal YOU. Two, being community (and love). Community heals. You see as humans we have basic needs. Abraham Maslow, a psychologist, has a theory about it. He created a hierarchy of needs. Here’s my hierarchy. Numero uno, most important tool to healing is love (and community). Ok, now I am at three.

  • Only YOU can heal YOU.

  • Love can heal. Love yo self. See love everywhere.

  • Be community. Find community. Love your community. Love communities that aren’t yours. (In the words of James Maskell, "Always better together.") 

 And hug. (That's four.)

 One of my soul sistas gives the best hugs.

 And community is her shtick too. Smart woman.

 “Community is the most powerful medicine. Having people who love you, who you can lean on, who lift you up, catch you when you fall, laugh and cry with you, or simply listen to you ramble is so incredibly important to health and happiness. The town of Roseto, Pennsylvania modeled this pillar of health. They smoked, drank wine, ate lard-fried pork and beef, loads of pasta, worked in slate mines, yet had half the rate of heart disease compared to the rest of the U.S, and no suicides or peptic ulcers. Their secret? An unbreakable sense of community, leaving no one left to suffer alone. They loved their tribe and in response, lived long, healthy, happy lives. When you open your heart and mind, you realize that we are all here together with the same wants and needs. So get out there, open yourself up to the world. Try joining a meetup, starting a supper club or book exchange or attend a language class. Leave judgment and expectations at the door and I think you’ll be surprised by what you find,” Erica Benedicto. (Read more about how to be healthy and happy here.)

 Back to the hug thang, chicken wang. Erica’s hugs are magical. And I've missed them. Cause she’s been away for awhile. But she’s back, and I get to hug her IRL soon. Her magical hugs BTdubs. They aren't creepy. I promise. She just allows herself to be available. And she stays there w you. For a couple of breaths. And you feel home. You feel love. And you breathe too. It’s cray peeps. But sometimes we forget to breathe. So. Remember :

  • Only YOU can heal YOU.

  • Love can heal. Love yo self. See love everywhere.

  • Be community. Find community. Love your community. Love communities that aren’t yours. Love that you don’t love communities that aren’t yours. "Always better together," James Maskell. 

  • Hug. Breathe. Love.

 And. Here’s the deal. Suicide sucks. Death sucks. So.

I am going to love. I am loving. I am love. I love. Love waking up in the am. Love my coffee. Love my friends, my family. Love my bed. Love siestas. Love writing. Love nature and animals. (But not cockroaches. Although they may be my spirit animal. Whaaaaaaa! Yep. MAYBE).

 Love, love, love. And hug.  

Em (and Erica)