Planets, Suicide, and Hugs

It’s 4.11.2017. Woo woo warning. I am going to start talking about planets. And retrogrades. Four planets are in retrograde parT peeps. F.O.U.R. “And you need to prep for the insanity.”

It has been feeling a bit. Well. Cray lately. At least for me. And it sho seems for those around me too. Of course there’s the usual "my technology isn’t working" cause it’s mercury retrograde. But there’s some real, raw cray too. It’s April. Which in my old (work) world typically meant dealing w death. Whaaaa the h am I talking about? April. Statistically it’s the month with the most suicides. Whaaaaaaa? But it’s Spring. The flowers are blooming. The trees are starting to be green again with leaves. (A lot of us know this cause we’ve been sneezin through it.)

So. Why?

That is always the question. Well, 99.9% of the time. Why?

And when I counseled kids in crisis (aka my old world) cause their fellow band member, their classmate, their best friend, their family, their fellow ROTC cadet, their enemy, or a stranger to them, had ended their life, all I said (about why) is we’ll never know.

See suicide. It’s not black and white. It’s gray. Super gray. And the person isn’t here to tell us (unfortunately). Even if there is a note. There will never be one experience, one emotion, one reason that you can put your finger on to say - GOT IT! That’s WHY. So. As much as we want to get wrapped up in the why. Let. It. Go. And allow yourself to grieve. Feel it. All it’s shitake-ness.

Let it feel messy. Let it feel raw. Just feel. And breathe. It. Will. Get. Better. (I promise.) It also will suck. A lot. And that’s ok too.

And. Release blame. Nothing about what happened is your fault. Shoulda, woulda, coulda-s. You might have them. That’s fair. Have them. Feel them. But. Also let them pass through. Don’t cling to them. They're natural feelings. But it's unhealthy to hold onto them. Let go. When you're ready. In yo way.

What can YOU do? Heal yo self.

We want (well, our egos) want to think that we could have done something different. That we could have saved someone. But here’s the deal. The only person you can save is YOU.

“You are your own guru,” Danielle LaPorte.

Surrender. Have flaws. Be true. Your solution is yours. And remember DLP’s words :

  • Everyone is different, but we are all the same.

  • One size does not fit all.

  • What works for your today might not be what’s best for you tomorrow.

  • It made sense at the time.

  • You grew into it, and you’ll probably grow out of it.

  • Nothing matters; everything is important.

  • This works for me; it may/may not work for you.

  • It depends.

One size that does fit all though? Ok, two. One being only YOU can heal YOU. Two, being community (and love). Community heals. You see as humans we have basic needs. Abraham Maslow, a psychologist, has a theory about it. He created a hierarchy of needs. Here’s my hierarchy. Numero uno, most important tool to healing is love (and community). Ok, now I am at three.

  • Only YOU can heal YOU.

  • Love can heal. Love yo self. See love everywhere.

  • Be community. Find community. Love your community. Love communities that aren’t yours.

And hug. (That's four.)

One of my soul sistas gives the best hugs. And community is her shtick too. Smart woman.

“Community is the most powerful medicine. Having people who love you, who you can lean on, who lift you up, catch you when you fall, laugh and cry with you, or simply listen to you ramble is so incredibly important to health and happiness. The town of Roseto, Pennsylvania modeled this pillar of health. They smoked, drank wine, ate lard-fried pork and beef, loads of pasta, worked in slate mines, yet had half the rate of heart disease compared to the rest of the U.S, and no suicides or peptic ulcers. Their secret? An unbreakable sense of community, leaving no one left to suffer alone. They loved their tribe and in response, lived long, healthy, happy lives. When you open your heart and mind, you realize that we are all here together with the same wants and needs. So get out there, open yourself up to the world. Try joining a meetup, starting a supper club or book exchange or attend a language class. Leave judgment and expectations at the door and I think you’ll be surprised by what you find,” Erica Benedicto of Shiny Healthy People. (Read more about how to be healthy and happy here.)

Back to the hug thang, chicken wang. Erica’s hugs are magical. And not creepy. I promise. She comes atcha w open shoulders. And she stays there w you. For a couple of breaths. And you feel home. You feel love. And you breathe too. It’s cray peeps. But sometimes we forget to breathe. So :

  • Only YOU can heal YOU.

  • Love can heal. Love yo self. See love everywhere.

  • Be community. Find community. Love your community. Love communities that aren’t yours.

  • Hug. Breathe. Love.

Here’s the deal. Suicide sucks. So.

I am going to love. I am loving. I am love. I love. Love waking up in the am. Love my coffee. Love my friends, my family. Love bacon. Love my bed. Love road trip planning and road trip taking. Love nature and animals. (But not opossums. Ok, maybe the baby ones are ok. MAYBE).

Love, love, love. And hug. 

Em (and Erica)