It's 230a. I'm awake. Well, I just woke up. There's a storm blowing through East Austin. The wind is whipping; it's down pouring and thunder just rumbled. Living in an attic (studio) w a metal roof, storms and sleeping don't usually go together. So, I'm up. I read, but now my own words are floating through my head. So, I'm up - writing.
As you may know, my word for the year 2017 is love. (It was my word for 2016, too. Still working on it.) I would be lying if I said by "love" I don't mean romantic love. Of course - I am looking for my one true boo. But that is really downplaying my word. Love is about SO much more. Love is about yoself. Love is about nature. Love is about soul sistas. Love is about biological sistas and bousins (best friend cousins). Love is about biz partners. Love is worrying about the stray hood cat that you just named Shevi (short for disheveled) during a ridic thunderstorm. Love is about life. Waking up every morning - f-ing grateful to be here. To be breathing. Love is about coffee, cold brew warmed up. Love is about travel. Love is about dance parTies (especially the solo ones). Love is about muzak. Love is about consciousness. Love is about sunsets. And sunrises. Love is about waking up in the morning to the bird orchestra outside your Treehouse aka attic studio. Love, love, love.
So, back to this whole love yoself thang, chicken wang.
A couple of days ago was a new moon. Call me woo woo (or don't)...I am a moon cycle follower. Sometimes, the darkness of a new moon can bring exhaustion (for me). I chose to spend the eve of the new moon surrounded by sistas circling up. We meditated. We listened. We shared. We journaled. We danced. And. I. Was. Triggered. Like the gut wrenching feeling - triggered. What the f, right? This isn't supposed to happen in this beautiful, safe space. (Or maybe it is...) One of the circle leaders brought up the idea of mirrors. Reflection. I am down with it. Totally. You know the idea that people come into yo life that you have attracted to teach you a certain thing. Except lately...it's really been nagging me.
You see there’s this energy that I’m trying to shed. This kind of karmic bs bond or something. And I get the whole mirror thing. I do. But not in this case. It just doesn’t work. And I think I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to make sense of it which really resulted in self betrayal. And that sho is not self LOVE. And then it happened. The light bulb moment. Poof! I came across a section in Danielle LaPorte’s book White Hot Truth that just resonated deep down. Like soul vibrations deep. “Not everyone is your mirror, okay?”
“But there’s this derivative concept that gets dangerous : that we manifest people, because, they are on some level, a reflection of ourselves. If you buy this, then you would have to conclude that if you attract a narcissist into your life, or just really any selfish person, then, on some level, you’re just like them.”
“I’ll put this as poetically as I can : just because you have brought a total jerkface into your reality; it doesn’t mean that you are mirroring your inner jerkface-ness. It might just be that they’re a total jerk. And you’re not. And the only thing you need to “work” on is how you deal with them.” - Danielle LaPorte, White Hot Truth
So. I release. Some people are just jerks. And I am not one of them. Do I have work to do? Yes. I choose to no longer “work” with jerks. Ciao!
“Feeling everything. Keep your heart wide open. As wide as you can. And then...put a big fucking fence around it.” - Danielle LaPorte, White Hot Truth
Got it, DLP! Thank you. And thank you new moon. And thank you Universe for the trigger. Thank you Em for loving yoself. Thank YOU for reading.
PS. Got a word for the year? It’s not too late to choose. Comment and let me know. Would love to hear from you.