Meditation, Anger, and Radiance

““Meditator” isn’t a label I’d give myself, though I’ve meditated for years-in temples, on the bus, on cushions, in the tub, with and without mala beads and rosaries and formalities and instructors. Some of my best meditation; have happened on the rowing machine at my community centre, eyes closed and my ‘I Like to Move It,’ playlist getting me higher and hotter,” Danielle LaPorte, White Hot Truth.  

Mediation. Here’s the deal. You meditate how YOU want. Where you want. When you want. You can sit. You can walk. You can cook. You can chant. You can dance. What works for you, boo? Sho doesn’t have to be sitting on yo a$$, crossed legged (or lotus if you’re lucky), w yo eyes closed.

Meditation is not an assignment. It’s not an obligation. It’s liberating. Comforting. A path to radiance. Me? I haven’t “sat” much since I left my corporate J.O.B. Before I left, I was rockin’ a morning ritual : wake up, yoga, meditation, coffee while journaling. No technology till done. And it worked. Then.

After divorce, actually technically during separation ... hadn’t sold the rings...yet. I kicked it in the desert silent for 10 days. Broke the silence to learn the final divorce papers were ready to sign. Good thang, chicken wang, that on day 8, I forgave him. I forgave us. Mostly. Lemme put it this way. An anger bubble burst. That shitake did bubble up again. That’s life. Anger is part of it. How do I kick w anger tho? Much better. Most. Of. The. Time.

Before I learned of the boob cancer, I kicked it yoga nidra style. The guided stuff. During the chemo drip, thanks to my beloved, wise counselor, I rocked  it w Belleruth Naperstack aka B.N.. I guided the medicine to the unhealthy cells. I guided the medicine away from the healthy cells. And then ho’oponopono.  

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

And then when the drip was done. Later. Before bed. Affirmations.

“More and more I can  consider the possibility that my body is teaching me something useful. More and more I can I see that I when I let go of harsh expectations, release rigid demands, on myself and on others I allow my body to heal. I thank my body for teaching me to always remember the beauty of my own being,” B.N.

Now? I wake up to check social media a lot. I rarely sit. I chill in Savasana aka corpse pose  a couple of times a week at the end of my yoga class. I dance. I write. I listen. I love. I trust. I cook. I walk around my hood w my a.m. coffee (and no social media). I breathe. Mindfully. It’s what works for me. Now. And it’s what I WANT. What I DESIRE.

Am I a meditator? Some would say - h no. I say - h ya. (And who the f cares anyway?) Cause I contemplate. Cause I think deeply. Cause I focus my mind. Cause I feel radiant. I feel love. I feel trust. I feel liberation. I feel comfort.

So. Sit. Dance. Pray. Chant. Cook. Breathe. Listen. Be. Love. Trust. Whateva the f works for you. But try it. Drop into the present moment. E’ryday parT peeps. Focus. Be present for a bit.

Cheers to liberation. Comfort. And RADIANCE. You got this.

Peace out and XO,
Em