Struggle, Waking Up, and Twinkles

I wake up (almost) every morning super psyched to wake up. I’m alive. I’m here on this Earth. Still kickin’ it. Suhweet. I get to drink coffee. Listen to birds chirping in the morning. See a bright blue sky. Draw rainbows to brighten rainy days. Dip my feet in an epsom salt bath or in the river. Read a book, Harry, w my nephew before bed. (We inserted the word butt after Harry. Insert laughing/tearing emoji here.)  

I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that there’s a range of emotions...but a year and a half ago...I was STRUGGLING to love life. I knew that I had been faced w a dis-ease that people can die from. So. I should love life, right? It’s a wake up call. I had heard the c word.  

Sure. Shifts happened. I looked at life VERY differently. I appreciated some people, things, experiences more. I set different boundaries with some people, things, and experiences. There were times that I LOVED life more. There were times I loved life less. A LOT less. And those times. There was more less love than more love.

Then. I went to a yoga class w one of my fave teachers. The dynamic of her class was an energy I welcomed absorbing. During the class she played, Precious Human Life, by One Village Music Project. I cried.

 

“Everyday, think as you wake up, TODAY, I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive. I have a precious human life. I’m not going to waste it.”

I thought. This is it. For sure. This song is it! The key to my happiness. I’ll finally snap out of it. I’ll wake up! So. I set it as my alarm. And first thing in the am that’s what I heard. “Everyday, think as you wake up, I am fortunate to have…” Ha. You know what? I didn’t feel fortunate. I felt bald. My head was cold or hot or clammy (depending on my hot flash status). I felt lonely. I felt angry. I felt sad. Really really sad. (And I wanted to chuck my phone across the room.) I was tired. And I didn’t want to f-ing wake up.

So. I changed my alarm. To twinkle.

And slowly. It happened. There were ups. There were downs. Still are. But. I started to understand. There’s no one song. There’s no one essential oil. There’s no one yoga pose. There’s no one anything or anyone that will heal me. That will lift the darkness. Well. There is someone. And that someone is me.  And kickin’ it w music (clearly including dance parTs), oils, yoga, and peeps that I love and lift me up. That’s my jam too. Music heals, oils heal, plants heal, yoga heals, and your tribe heals.

So. I’m awake. I’m so fortunate to have woken up. And you are too, boo. Believe. Trust. Love.  

And. Driving to Marfa on a solo road trip with the windows down and the sunroof open, with Precious Human Life on repeat, singing at the top of your lungs and releasing your emotions outta yo eyes. Well. That's healing too. 

XO,
em